A Transsexual Summer - My Review

The People In "A Trannsexual Summer"

Donna - 'Being trans... It's more about a journey to find yourself than a journey to find a good surgeon.'

Karen - 'People say I'm brave, but it's not courage. It's a belief in yourself that you're doing something you know you have to do.'


Lewis - 'No one has ever mistaken me for female, or been able to tell I'm transgender. I feel just like a regular guy.'


Max - 'I love being a man. I mean, what's not to like?'

Sarah - 'There are so many things that I would change about my appearance. I'd like to get my nose fixed, my teeth fixed... I feel different on the inside to how I look on the outside, you know?'


Fox - 'It's a really awkward time for me, and yet I wouldn't have it any other way, because I know that I've got to go through this to get to a place where my outside reflects my inside.'


Drew - 'I've never spoken to anyone who's transgender in real life. There's personal things that you can't really talk about to an ordinary person, because they wouldn't understand.'


The First Episode
In this first episode, we are introduced the group, who would be staying in a posh retreat. We learn their progress, Sarah has only been full-time a few weeks, and Karen is having her surgery in a few days, the others are in between this spectrum. To me they concentrated on body image the group had of themselves, Drew will not be seen until a two & half hour make-up and hair routine every morning. The guys talked about binding, and the different methods. Sarah talked about how her decision to have the "op", and how this will make her feel complete, I found it interesting that 6 out of the remaining 7 didn't feel they needed the "op" to be complete. Although top surgery was important to them all, either removal or enlarging of breasts. I felt it was all very predictable in content, showing lots of make-up and deciding what to wear stuff, but it was an introduction and done very well.

The Second Episode
Half of this episode showed Drew trying to get a job in her own town, and the problems TS can create, in the real world. It was done very well, and truthfully. Also Sarah came to visit Drew and her mum for advice on coming out. Later Sarah came out to her mum, in my opinion this was done terrible. They met in a car, which was in a field, her mum didn't want to be filmed, but audio was recorded. Sarah explained being TS, her mum replied "That's fine, it's your life", end of scene. I know in my coming out there was tears, questions and loads of emotions, to me this was badly handled.
In the second part, the group all meet up at the retreat again, minus Karen. They have a skype call with Karen in hospital as she is still recovering, it was lovely to the happiness she had. A mtf visits who has had all the surgery, this guy shows the group what a penis he has. This is the best part of the series, as the whole group are stunned into silence, when this huge real penis is shown. Then the group decide to have a night out at the local village pub, this was total real life and great. Donna really comes across as strong and proud of her TS status, and talks to, laughs with, and educates everyone in the pub. There are a couple of interviews with the customers, and their views are all positive. Great episode!

The Third Episode
This starts at the retreat, Drew is still looking for a job, and Karen is back after her op. Lewis has an plan to fund raise for his top surgery. Passing is very important to the whole group, as it makes some very scared in the real world. They all take a self-defence class in the group on how to deal with hostilities. One of the evening they all go bowling to test out the skills they have learnt. It's very true how people look at TS people, the stares and looks, but the confidence they have grown helps them.
The guys look at the different kind of false penis, somehow they all like the large ones. Fox believes having the right one affects his walk into a how manly one. Some you can even pee through one??!!! Lewis decides he wants the real thing. The girls also talk about their tricks, like gaff tape chest to create a cleavage.
The group visit the pub again, and it's all very friendly as they are known. Customers start to treat them as their gender.
Drew gets a job in a coffee shop, it's all very positive, and she gets on well. With Drew, I just don't understand why she hasn't changed her name, to help her blend in? I have never met a female Drew, so my alarm bells would be ringing straight away.

The Fourth Episode
The last episode, first they are back at the retreat, the girls decide a night out at a Trans Club in London, it looked like The Way Out Club. Donna loves it and gets chatted up, Karen & Sarah didn't like it as it tells everyone they are TS, and why shouldn't they go to a "normal" club. This I totally agreed with, I feel LGBT create problems by not integrating. Drew joined the group the following day. Then it was to Sarah looking for a room in Brighton to live. This again was done very well, as the landlords where asked their views, one is concerned about safety and bigotry that might happen if she allows Sarah to move in. Fox has a guys night out in Brighton, I felt he was trying too much to be one of the lager louts, but there wasn't a problem with his friends. Lewis, meets his dad for their first beer together, he has organised a fundraiser to help fund Lewis's top surgery, it was really nice. Then it was back to the retreat for the fifth time, this time family and friends are invited. Although Karen and Sarah nobody turns up, this really showed the loses that many go through in transitioning. To me there was far too much in this episode, and another episode would have given better coverage to the deep, real points raised.

Overall I think the series is great, for the general public as it highlights problems, feelings and the normality that TS people are. However I felt not enough time was spent to get deep into the issues, which is hard with 8 people in 4 episodes. Well done Ch4.

You can view the complete series on 4On Demand for visitors outside the UK you can download tunnelbear to get a UK VPN.

I'm Dazed & Confused

When I started this blog in 2009, it was private and just for me to express my feelings. On Saturday I decided to open it to the world, I suppose I'm feeling more confident about myself now. Everyday for years I have checked T-Central and thought "Why not add mine", today I'm dazed & confused by the number of hits, a comment and 2 followers.

So a huge "HELLO" to Stacey & Jenny. And everyone else who has visited.

A Transsexual, A Squirrel & Nuts

One of todays questions,

Where do squirrels store their nuts?

Where is this leading?

Squirrels collect and store nuts so they'll have food to last through winter. That thriftiness benefits more than just the squirrel—it helps the trees, too. That's according to Rob Swihart, a wildlife ecologist at Purdue University. Nuts clearly are dependent on either gravity or animals for dispersal. Squirrels are one of the most important species in this regard.

Ok, I asked this question, because I thought it was in their sack, or pocket! I know very uneducated, and there are loads of squirrels in Edinburgh.

Last night as I was watching television, in my usual position of lying on the couch, there was a huge ouch from my grion area as I got up. And this raised the second question of today .........................

Where does a transsexaul hide their nuts?

For visitors from abroad, "nuts" is a slang term for testicles. Just so we are thinking the same.

The first Google search came up with this.........

The concept is to push the testicles up into the inguinal canal (their little "burrow"). The genitals are then pulled backwards and held in place with tight underwear and/or tape.

Second Google search.........

Drag queens use duct tape but be sure to shave first.

I find both to be very eye watering, esp. the duct tape, even on shaved skin. somehow there is no advive on how to remove it! Over the years I have found Marks & Spencers "Magic Pants" the solution. Ok, I agree not exactly "Victoria Secerts", but they do the job really well, and no pain. Hence last night the "nuts" went a wandering without them and got into no-mans land. A very painfull experience it was. The other solution is not to wear very tight clothing, as it helps hide, including a slightly large tummy as well. Over the years hormones also decrease the size of everything and this makes life so much easier.

I hope Santa is reading this, as I do need a few more pairs. Ho Ho Ho

Much easier for squirrels.

Sky News Press Preview

I try to watch the Sky Press Review ever Monday night at 11.30 as it's the best live comedy going. The news is great but Tory Boy and Maguire are always trying to make Ann Botting corpse, this night they all went.

Another Visit to the Demon Dentist

9.45am I arrive at the dentist, not sitting about waiting, meet Ann the dentist and straight into the chair. Ann tells me she has already been nasty to a patient this morning, so she os now in a good mood. Her assistant totally agrees, I feel so much relieved, as Ann normally gets on to me, I do give it back though. After a few proddings and saying lots of numbers, I'm told it's time for butterflies? A look of panic, what butterfles, it's a dentist, not Dobbies Butterfly Farm a few miles up the road, and in my month. Ann explains it's detailed x-rays, wow, just get choked when she shoved the thingy in my mouth, clough & splatter. It always concerns me, x-rays are safe, but why do they leave the room, and leave me on my own. If it's dangerous I want to leave as well, seems simple to me.Once Ann and her assistant return, I'm given a compliment, hey they look good and strong.

I'm thinking this is good, and bang the scaling starts, yuck, hate it. Why do they put so much in your mouth and they speak to you and moan at your shut mouth. To me it's natural, something in mouth, I want to eat it. you never eat with your mouth open, bad manners. Half way through I must have been getting on Ann's nerves as a total face shower with water from are machine, well it cooled me down. But hey, it was some dribble up my face, heehee.

Over and done, you must be joking, I'm told gum problems really need looked at and NHS Dental Hospital not brave enough to take me own, only option is private and a bill in the very high hundreds of pounds, oh dear. I just can not afford that, so Ann offers another scaling in 8 weeks, joy oh joy! I'm hoping regular scaling will hopefully solve the problem.

All in all it was quite funny with Ann as she is a caring person and good sense of humour, there is nothing worse than speaking to professionals who seem to be above you, and totally lack a connection with patients. You'll be glad to read next dentist post is end of Jan 2012.

Beware of the Dentist

Before this visit in June the last time I had a dental appointment was around 1985 at school. A traumatic event that was, a nice young female dentist kneeling on my chest, yes I know this sounds nice for a young boy. But she was trying with all her force to pull healthy teeth, I just needed more room in my mouth.

Well in June a tooth blew up, bits flying everywhere, and no amount of pills could kill the pain. I bit the bullet, it would have been less painfull, and booked an apointment in Portobello. To say I was scared is an under-estimate, but I went. Having to go wasn't as easy as opening your mouth, I had to out myself, so lots of documents and explain I'm on benefits as well. Anxiety levels where very high that morning. Alas, paperwork went very well, even though I still needed to pay, seems if you are unemployed you get everything free, if you are ill you pay!! Can't quite get my mind round this, but hayho.

As I sat waiting for my dentist to call me, I was stunned when an elder lady with a crutch called my name. My think was what have I done I'm getting a cripple to poke things in my mouth, lets exit stage left, damn too slow, I'm led to the torture chain. Ann the dentist says to me "You are unlucky this morning getting the old moaning bitch", well I was stunned, but liked the style. She was very caring and also said "The door is there and you can go at anytime". Cool I could get out of this, anyways as the prodding continued Ann said I needed 2 fillings and my gums where not in a good state. Not bad for 26 years, I was really pleased. She did some scaling, which must have been hard as I kept my mouth shut, and I got 1 filling as well. End of appointment and i'm thinking don't need to be back here again for a long time, but no the immortal words, you'll need to book an appointment for tomorrow for the other filling, damn damn damn!

The following morning, a little less stressful as I know what is coming. This time was the DRILL, yuck the smell of burning foaming from my mouth, and right up my nose. Get me out of here thoughts again, but wow it was over. Yet again Ann drops the bombshell, you'll need to book an appointment for tomorrow so she could file it down, will this never end? Yes the next day, it's filed and cool, defianately not coming back for more torture, but she drops the bomb again, see you tomorrow for a scaling again. Four visits to a dentist in a week, this is not good, I've managed 26 years!! And this torture has cost me alot of money!

Move forward 4 weeks and well toothache, it was so bad I had to call NHS24, advised to take painkillers, none around on a Friday night so a car trip to Mum's at 11pm. Still sore on Monday so of we go to see Ann, well the caring woman said to me"Told you your gums are in a bad way", ha ha ha, more filing of the filling so it didn't put pressure on the one above. Ann says " Book your check-up", I replied "Yes for the year 2036", a chuckle was recieved from Ann.

Then at the end of October, toothache again. Why is it once you visit a dentist you end up never away from them, it's just not fair. This time gum disease, and the caring sharing Ann gives me pills to kill the infection, great not alot of prodding around. For some reason she smiles, I leave get in the car and go for the pills, the chemist tells me "No drinking with these pills". They always say that, get home read the leaflet, check google and there is defianately no drinking with these pills. They give them to drunks to get them off booze, touch booze and you throw up. Brilliant, it's my birthday weekend!!!!!! I hate birthdays, but they are ok with a beer or wine, I have coffee and diet Irn-bru.

43th birthday is certainly one to remember.

I see Ann tomorrow (Monday) for my check-up. Wish me luck>

A Massive Update - Part 2

Well I have summarised all the medical stuff, now for the personal bits.

Just after christmas I got an email from a couple I hadn't seen or been in touch with for 14 years. It was sad it had been so long, but I was in a bad state back then, and moving house, well it seemed better to move on. Also with my transistion i didn't know if to reply or not. Well I did, with the full coming out pack I used a few years ago, and to my surprise a reply from David & Gillian. We met up and a great few hours, I could not believe where 14 years went, I now keep in touch with them both, they are busy people and I wish I could see them more, but knowing they are with me is great.

The beginning of the year saw my neice Alice move into permenent care, life was getting quite unbearable at home with her behaviour. She is physical and mentally handicapped, and has severe problems with sleep and being alone. The house she stays in now is very good and she is well looked after and we see her most weeks. Alice is now working in a centre, doing cooking and woodwork. The transistion of Alice was very hard as we all felt we had failed looking after her, but we now realise things couldn't go on as it was and now everyone including Alice are much happier.

In July my sister and partner married, it was a great day in Edinburgh. I met up with Steph from Devon, a real character, and also Emma from London who I had seen for many years. The weekend was just not long enough.

August saw my 2 buddies Banjo & Soxs being evicated from my sisters house, all because one neighbour didn't like them. They also peed in their entrance hall, but cats have rights. My sister Elaine, husband Richard and the boys where all upset at them going, at least the boys see them at their dad's flat. They went to my ex-brother-in-laws to live, so I don't see them anymore. When the family went on holiday I use to look after them both here in my flat. It didn;t take long to get very attached to the pair. I will dedicate a whole post to Banjo & Soxs as I run a campaign to keep them.

Later in August Lorna, Richard's eldest daughter arrived. She is so clever and a total internet geek, I learn something new everytime I see her. It's down to her I started this blog again, she works from home as a writer, her stuff is brill, and unlike my blog has no spelling mistakes. I hope she stays around as I want to learn more from her.

Can not think of anything else major that happened. Now I just need to blog things as they come along.

A Massive Update - Part 1

It's been too long in updating this blog, I will promise to do it alot more often.

My issues with ERI are well closed, and such a relieve, I now go to Sandyford Clinic in Glasgow. Sandyford it is so caring, no pressure, and they listen to me. I have been doing therapy there for a year, trying to put demons to sleep and boosting my self-esteem. It is starting to come together, although next month I start a therapy called EMDR http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/ if you want to see their site. I'm not sure about it, but will give it a try in December.

The medical care at Sandyford is very good, I see one of their team every 3-4 months. What is so mice there are no pigeon hole boxes which you need to conform to as at the ERI. Most occasions I do get into trouble with my much reduced smoking, as there is a danger of DVT's when mixed with HRT. My estrogen level isn't high enough, so my idea is loose weight and more effect from HRT. Janaury sees my next medical appointment, fingers crossed it goes well.

My local GP Dr M, is still so cool, we had to change one of my high blood pressure pills as I was getting bad cankles, didn't want cankles. In my opinion I have also lost alot of fluid as well, but the scales don't show it, YET!!! Just having to watch kidney function with all the meds I take. The staff at the medical centre have all been so nice to me, it's a real treat to go, even getting jabs everytime.

Well that's a start to my update, will do some more tomorrow.

Trying to link to Facebook

oh this is hard to do