Christmas Is Over Aaaaawwww

The Christmas festivities are over, and it is back to normal until Hogmanny on Saturday. I had a really nice Christmas, only slightly dampened with my niece, Alice having 2 fits. From now on I can keep in touch anywhere with a flabby present of an iPad. It has come in very handy this week, Edinburgh has been hit with high winds again, and I have lost my satellite tv. So I can watch tv on the pad, and watch loads of movies I downloaded this year.

This morning I had yet another blood test, 3rd one in a month, the girls at the surgery are so nice. It really is a joy to go and see them. I asked Nurse C about a growth on my cheek, she said easy to remove and to speak to Dr M. It had been bugging me for a few years now, although the thought of getting it cut out is scary! On a positive side all my blood tests are coming back good, yippee.

Going out later to hit the sales, and find out how to mirror iPad to apple tv. Also have a pair of jeans to exchange, thought I would buy a size smaller, too tight. Weightloss is not going well, although I think I'm thinner.

Merry christmas

Hi, I would like to wish everyone who has visited my blog a Merry Christmas.

Only 2 Sleeps Until Christmas

Last night I heard that my nephews hamsters had a little fallout, this is what was posted on facebook.

Recovering from a mini hamster holocaust. One hamster went postal, ate the other hamster, vomited him up again, and then died. And I thought they were friends. Never trust a friend who sleeps on your face and eats your straw.

I'm not a lover of hamsters, but since they have gone perhaps Banjo & Soxs will get back to stay??? You never know and I can hope.

Only 2 sleeps to go until Santa arrives, and for once I'm really organised, all shopping done, and only 1 present to wrap up. This morning I went and finished my shopping, it was amazing how quiet the shops where, but the downside was I saw too much I liked for myself. Spare cash is always a problem for me so I don't tend to go shopping, but today a was amazed at things in my size in Marks & Spencer, I think a visit to the sales will be in order.

Today I received a letter from the Tax Man, and for once, it was a fabulous one. They have paid me a refund from 3 years ago of over paid tax, yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! So a definite visit to the sales, or perhaps online as I spend less online.

Christmas Cards - The Life Coach

Am I not good, all my Christmas cards written, and it isn't Christmas Eve yet.

A few years ago I went on a Life Coaching Course, and the thing that stuck in my head is, if you let the little things in your life build up. You just can't cope/deal with the big issues. So ideally get rid of all the small annoying things/tasks and then the big issues are easier, because you blame the small things. Over time my mind gets overrun thinking about silly things I need to do, it's great just to do them, even if it takes a few stern words to get going.

Hence going the Christmas cards had been annoying me for a few days, but now I can relax knowing that they are done, yippee. Big issue this week is Christmas shopping on Thursday, bring it on.

A Quiet Week

Not been much to blog about this week. Had the joy of Marny's company today for some electrolysis. Today wasn't as bad as recent weeks, the top lip is almost totally clear, we even managed to work on the right cheek, which was great. It's nice to see progress, the EMLA got well used today to numb the top lip, just a little around the centre of the nose.

Was a taxi driver for brother-in-law yesterday and his daughter, I like being of use to people, even with it being during rush hour.

Must start and get ready for christmas tomorrow, haven't written a card or done any shopping. I find this time of year hard going, being on your own, I think what is the point. Have a night out on wednesday and got an invite to visit friends over the festive period which is great.

UK Newspapers Go Trans

Hermaphrodite voted off Poland's Next Top Model - The Sun 10/12/11, Michalina Manios was voted off the Polish Next Top Model after disclosing she had once lived as male. Read the article here , it's a very balanced report, and the comments are in whole quite balanced and educated.

Transsexual reveals how he’s spent £200,000 in 12 years transforming himself into a real-life Barbie… thanks to a few rich boyfriends - The Daily Mail 08/12/11. This article as about Nicole Sanders who has spent a fortune on operations. She lives in New York, the reporting ok, but I was annoyed by the use of "he" in it. I suppose you can not have it all. Again the comments are good to the trans community, especially considering it is Daily Mail readers. Read the article here

Transgender lessons for pupils aged five: Classes will 'overload children with adult issues', say critics - The Daily Mail 08/12/11. Now this should have been a good article, the government looking to educate our young people of trans phobia. Sadly the article is all about confusing children, and possibly promoting trans thoughts. This is quite scary when research has proven in the UK 1 in 1000 children have gender related issues, so surely any awareness is going to be helpful. The Daily Mail readers comments are all very negative, it amazes me considering the article above was the same day. Is it ok to talk trans issues, but not in front of the children? Read article here

Electrolysis - The Painfull Truth

Every week I go for a hour of electrolysis, I can not say I enjoy it. I started about 4 years ago with IPL hair removal, it's a light gun which sends heat down to the hair follicle and killed a lot off. This was 14 treatments every 4 weeks, and it really thinned out my facial hair. I think I have a low pain threshold, as I found IPL very sore on my face especially around the neck area, but it did work well.

After the IPL it was time for real torture, although I must say the therapist is very good and caring, she's called Marny. The first few weeks where horrendous, and then got quite bearable for a year or so. Since the start of this year working the area around the mouth, top lip it has been horrible. Marny just ignores my squeals, ouch and swear words, she gives it back to me as well. Tells me not to be a big girls blouse, and says she will turn down the current and doesn't, heehee. Even if my eyes are watering Marny just keeps going and you get into trouble for screwing your face up. I know it sounds bad, but it's really good as it needs done and Marny just keeps going.

Just in case you don't know how electrolysis works, it's a probe (thin needle) going into the hair follicle. The probe has to go in about 3-4mm, then an electrical current heats the follicle, this cortices the follicle and kills the hair. the hair is then pulled out. Yeah, sounds simple and painless, not. The amount of hairs done in a hour is about 180, and the face has around 12,000, so it's a long process and expensive. Also hair can stop growing for 8 weeks and then appear, the swines, so you need to keep going over areas already done.



Over the time I have used a few painkillers, from beer, Jack Daniels, paracetamol, and others. I have found EMLA cream to numb the skin and co-codolmol the best, but it's still sore. The picture below is after today's session.

Check out Imarni Salon, they are very trans friendly http://imarni.co.uk/

You get close to your therapist here is Marny.

Marny Owner/Senior Therapist

Qualifications include:
Diploma in Beauty Therapy from Mary Reid
Over 30 years experience in the Beauty Therapy industry
Member of the BIAE (British Institute of Electrolysis)
Advanced Electrolysis, Electrolysis
Marny has dedicated her career to every aspect of Beauty Therapy and especially to Electrolysis hair removal, winning British Electrolygist of the year in 2002 and serving on the Board of Management of the British Institute & Association of Electrolysis for 8 years.
'I spent 16 years teaching Beauty Therapy in Edinburgh's Telford College before opening Imarni. I am married with 2 children and though the salon absorbs a great deal of my time I enjoy gardening and holidays'.

TFI Friday

Been a busy day today, was at the doctors surgery to see Nurse C for another blood test, last weeks got clotted, so better luck this week. I hadn't seen Nurse C for ages, she is nice to me as doesn't weigh me like Nurse D. Then it was off see parents and get ink for their printer.

And this afternoon a few hours with brother-in-law for a chat.

Picture below is show what Lorraine has done to me, as I forgot to take a picture of her handy work, this is my attempt.

Tomorrow is electrolysis day, a hour of torture.

Christmas Parking In Edinburgh

Christmas and every other day of the year is mad driving in Edinburgh, lack of parking spaces and jams are normal. At the moment we are building a tram line, this will be finished in 2014, the works are causing even more problems. I dedicate this first video to my brother-in-law Richard who is such an easy going back driver, NOT. These videos where done by a local radio station. I fancied something fun today, no trans stuff sorry.

 

Hair By Lorraine

Yesterday morning was a nice trip for me, to see Lorraine, Zoe and Lorna at the hairdressers. It was cool having a chat with them as for once it was quite quiet. The place is normally really busy with the girls running around daft, which can be quite entertaining. I wish I could have one of them each morning to make my hair look as good, as they make it look easy. A few flicks, a crunch and a blow-dry and wow you are done. Lorraine has transformed my hair, from length 1/2 inch 4 years ago, to longer than my shoulders, highlighted and manageable for me, as I'm not very good.

Looking forward to seeing them all in February for the colouring and trim.

Check them out http://www.hairbylorraine.co.uk/

The Daily Mail Has A Positive Article

Last Friday the Daily Mail had a great article regarding a transsexual, the usual stuff The Daily Mail has is quite derogatory, and shocking. With comments regarding why the NHS pay for cosmetic surgeries when there is no money. I'm sure you have read and heard it all before.

The headline was good for a start:

‘Why should I hide, I’m proud of myself’: Teen who had world’s youngest sex change op at 16 reveals she has a boyfriend

The girl is 18 year old Jackie Green who had her op on her 16th birthday in Thailand. At an early age her mother took her to the USA to start hormone blockers, as this form of treatment is not available in the UK.

The thing that caught me, wasn't so much the article, but the comments. What I read where all very positive and encouraging, esp in this newspaper the comments are normally very bigoted. Perhaps the UK is getting more accepting of the trans community.

Read the full article http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069072/Jackie-Green-worlds-youngest-sex-change-op-16-boyfriend.html

My 2 Furry Buddies - Banjo & Soxs

Over the last couple of years I have looked after Banjo & Soxs when my sister has been on holiday, usually around 4 times a year. Banjo & Soxs are very trans friendly, as it doesn't matter how ugly you look, they still like a cuddle.

Banjo is on the left, and Soxs on the right, they both have great personalities. Banjo is quite needy, always want claps, and licking you. he use to sleep on the pillow next to me. Soxs is more independent, and is the leader of the pair, he only wants cuddles when Banjo isn't around. I'm sure he thinks it will spoil his macho image if Banjo sees him getting cuddled.

In a previous post I discussed loneliness, these guys helped me immensely. As it was great to feel needed, you have to feed them, clean litter tray and make sure they are safe. This really takes your mind away from yourself, and the unconditional affection you get is brilliant. One of the Dr's at Sandyford Clinic also thinks for people living on their own, cats are great for developing your voice, as it forces you to talk when home alone. The laughs I had with them both like the picture of Banjo trying to improve his internet skills on my laptop. Or the 2 of them lying on my bed watching television. Every morning Soxs would get his paw under the duvet and wake me up for breakfast, this was great for me as I hate getting up.

Sadly the guys had to move to a new home, as at my sisters they where going into a neighbours house, the family where very anti- pets. I use to go to my sisters just to see the guys and her house is not the same with out them. I have thought about getting a cat myself, but feel it isn't really fair on them, as they wouldn't get out. Banjo & Soxs, it was ok for 2 weeks at a time being indoors.

I would recommend a cat to anyone living alone with safe access outdoors, as it does help with loneliness and your voice practise as well.

A Strange Day In Edinburgh

The first day of snow in Edinburgh, and it's really cold. The city does look cute in the blanket of white, this time last year the city ground to a standstill for around 3 weeks due to snow. I wonder if this is the start again this year.

Last night/this morning was rather noisy where I live. My flat is in a tenement, tenements where built in the late 1800's and have large internal stairs connecting the 9 flats, which act as huge echo chambers. My next door neighbour decided to ask loads of very drunk and noisy friends round at around 2am. For some strange reason they all wanted to shout in the stair, someone called the police around 4am to get them removed. For a strange reason I was very tired last night, but couldn't sleep because of the noise. In my old days I would have been out throwing the people out, now I get frightened. You just never know what could happen at the time or in the future, 2 years ago my car was vandalised, was it because I'm trans, I will never know.

Another strange thing is happening in Edinburgh today, as a city we are being given 2 pandas from China.

Tian Tian and Yang Guang have made their journey from China in perspex cages on board a special chartered flight. It's the first time in 17 years the UK has had pandas. In the press reports the red carpet was out, pipe bands and leaders of government where all in attendance at Edinburgh Airport earlier. I hope we didn't frighten them with the pipes.

Loneliness - Are We Frightened To Confess?

I have suffered from loneliness for many many years, and hid it. When I read many blogs, I read about acceptance, getting out in the world and friendships within our community. But I believe many of us and including these lucky people are lonely. Before I transitioned and came out, I still suffered from loneliness, but I had a huge circle of friends, was out most nights, and had good work colleagues. To me I was hiding through jokes and a beer glass, and showing the world a great happy person. In reality, I was in pain and had only a couple of true friends, the rest, they where a crutch to get through life with. Part of this was caused by not being honest with myself regarding my true gender, and the unwillingness to come out.

A few years in my process of coming out, it took almost 2 years, I had friendships within the LGBT "scene" in Edinburgh, I had a good time and thought, I got true friends here, similar thinking, non-conformist and happy people. I was still drinking at the time, and I think this clouded my brain. What was happening I was friends with people with as many hang-ups as myself, but instead of facing them they used drugs to dampen them. As an addictive person, I have stayed well away from drugs, and never tried anything, but I saw the effects and mind changing effects, if one was so friendly and lovely at weekends. During the week, they where just miserable, and more screwed up than me, I think due to drugs. Once I stopped drinking, and spent time with my new LGBT friends, I still felt lonely, as I could see they where false, due to the drugs. It's now about 3 years since I split from this group of friends, and to be honest, I don't miss it, but I have a different loneliness in away.

The new loneliness is a much more positive form, as my friends and family are the only people I need or actually want, it might not be a huge circle. Although at times it is lonely living on your own, spending long periods of time with no other inter-personal connections. But there isn't the need for any "crutch" friends to cloud your view of true friendships. Also doing things I'm passionate about beats loneliness, in my life my love of music takes up alot of time, even doing this blog, all gets loneliness under control. My view is if you keep your mind active, you will not be lonely, it can be hard to activate your mind, if you have lived in a social merry go round, of drink and partying, as looking back these are quite mind numbing. How many times have we read that people have over 500 people on facebook, in reality, it's a very small amount we actually like, but the thought of deleting the ones we have no time for is frightening. My view deleting makes life easier, this maybe strange to many, but works for me.

Needles, Blood & Chat

Early start for me this morning a visit to see Dr M at the local practise. All the staff are so nice and happy, it's a real pleasure to go, even to see Nurse D who always weighs me with a smile, urgh!!! Over the past few years I have had very high blood pressure among others things, and on my last visit I had said to Dr M I was getting cankles (fat ankles) it's a side effect of one of the pills. Anyways, we changed the pill and now no cankles, and even better blood pressure is still controlled at 138/88 today, it use to be around 190/130 ish, I did try to break 200, heehee.

As it always seems when I see Dr M, I needed a blood test again, had one 2 weeks ago with Nurse D, which came back fine. Today urine was showing protien traces, so get the needle into the arm. Ooops can't get anything out that one, lets go for the other, I hate parting with anything, typical Scottish. Many years ago I had glandular fever and drunk heavily, and I suspect slight damage was done to my kidneys, hence protien in the urine, Dr M also does regular checks on liver as well. So it's back to see Nurse C at the end of the month for another blood test, she doesn't weigh me, result after Christmas.

Dr M always gives me a nice complement on my appearance, although today I was told too cold for a skirt and she hasn't worn one for ages. I thought this morning, I haven't worn one for ages, you get fed-up with trousers. We then has a chat about Transsexual Summer, and her veiw was there wasn't enough time spent on each person, but overall great to see it on mainstream TV. I agree totally, she also let it slip that one of her friends specialises in therapy in London for TS people. I wonder if that's why everyone at the surgery is so cool, and she is so knowledgable. I wonder if I should give this blog address?

The National Health Service in the UK doesn't get great press, but to me it's fabulous in the main, even with my problems with Edinburgh GIC, which ranted about in previous posts.

A Transsexual Summer - My Review

The People In "A Trannsexual Summer"

Donna - 'Being trans... It's more about a journey to find yourself than a journey to find a good surgeon.'

Karen - 'People say I'm brave, but it's not courage. It's a belief in yourself that you're doing something you know you have to do.'


Lewis - 'No one has ever mistaken me for female, or been able to tell I'm transgender. I feel just like a regular guy.'


Max - 'I love being a man. I mean, what's not to like?'

Sarah - 'There are so many things that I would change about my appearance. I'd like to get my nose fixed, my teeth fixed... I feel different on the inside to how I look on the outside, you know?'


Fox - 'It's a really awkward time for me, and yet I wouldn't have it any other way, because I know that I've got to go through this to get to a place where my outside reflects my inside.'


Drew - 'I've never spoken to anyone who's transgender in real life. There's personal things that you can't really talk about to an ordinary person, because they wouldn't understand.'


The First Episode
In this first episode, we are introduced the group, who would be staying in a posh retreat. We learn their progress, Sarah has only been full-time a few weeks, and Karen is having her surgery in a few days, the others are in between this spectrum. To me they concentrated on body image the group had of themselves, Drew will not be seen until a two & half hour make-up and hair routine every morning. The guys talked about binding, and the different methods. Sarah talked about how her decision to have the "op", and how this will make her feel complete, I found it interesting that 6 out of the remaining 7 didn't feel they needed the "op" to be complete. Although top surgery was important to them all, either removal or enlarging of breasts. I felt it was all very predictable in content, showing lots of make-up and deciding what to wear stuff, but it was an introduction and done very well.

The Second Episode
Half of this episode showed Drew trying to get a job in her own town, and the problems TS can create, in the real world. It was done very well, and truthfully. Also Sarah came to visit Drew and her mum for advice on coming out. Later Sarah came out to her mum, in my opinion this was done terrible. They met in a car, which was in a field, her mum didn't want to be filmed, but audio was recorded. Sarah explained being TS, her mum replied "That's fine, it's your life", end of scene. I know in my coming out there was tears, questions and loads of emotions, to me this was badly handled.
In the second part, the group all meet up at the retreat again, minus Karen. They have a skype call with Karen in hospital as she is still recovering, it was lovely to the happiness she had. A mtf visits who has had all the surgery, this guy shows the group what a penis he has. This is the best part of the series, as the whole group are stunned into silence, when this huge real penis is shown. Then the group decide to have a night out at the local village pub, this was total real life and great. Donna really comes across as strong and proud of her TS status, and talks to, laughs with, and educates everyone in the pub. There are a couple of interviews with the customers, and their views are all positive. Great episode!

The Third Episode
This starts at the retreat, Drew is still looking for a job, and Karen is back after her op. Lewis has an plan to fund raise for his top surgery. Passing is very important to the whole group, as it makes some very scared in the real world. They all take a self-defence class in the group on how to deal with hostilities. One of the evening they all go bowling to test out the skills they have learnt. It's very true how people look at TS people, the stares and looks, but the confidence they have grown helps them.
The guys look at the different kind of false penis, somehow they all like the large ones. Fox believes having the right one affects his walk into a how manly one. Some you can even pee through one??!!! Lewis decides he wants the real thing. The girls also talk about their tricks, like gaff tape chest to create a cleavage.
The group visit the pub again, and it's all very friendly as they are known. Customers start to treat them as their gender.
Drew gets a job in a coffee shop, it's all very positive, and she gets on well. With Drew, I just don't understand why she hasn't changed her name, to help her blend in? I have never met a female Drew, so my alarm bells would be ringing straight away.

The Fourth Episode
The last episode, first they are back at the retreat, the girls decide a night out at a Trans Club in London, it looked like The Way Out Club. Donna loves it and gets chatted up, Karen & Sarah didn't like it as it tells everyone they are TS, and why shouldn't they go to a "normal" club. This I totally agreed with, I feel LGBT create problems by not integrating. Drew joined the group the following day. Then it was to Sarah looking for a room in Brighton to live. This again was done very well, as the landlords where asked their views, one is concerned about safety and bigotry that might happen if she allows Sarah to move in. Fox has a guys night out in Brighton, I felt he was trying too much to be one of the lager louts, but there wasn't a problem with his friends. Lewis, meets his dad for their first beer together, he has organised a fundraiser to help fund Lewis's top surgery, it was really nice. Then it was back to the retreat for the fifth time, this time family and friends are invited. Although Karen and Sarah nobody turns up, this really showed the loses that many go through in transitioning. To me there was far too much in this episode, and another episode would have given better coverage to the deep, real points raised.

Overall I think the series is great, for the general public as it highlights problems, feelings and the normality that TS people are. However I felt not enough time was spent to get deep into the issues, which is hard with 8 people in 4 episodes. Well done Ch4.

You can view the complete series on 4On Demand for visitors outside the UK you can download tunnelbear to get a UK VPN.

I'm Dazed & Confused

When I started this blog in 2009, it was private and just for me to express my feelings. On Saturday I decided to open it to the world, I suppose I'm feeling more confident about myself now. Everyday for years I have checked T-Central and thought "Why not add mine", today I'm dazed & confused by the number of hits, a comment and 2 followers.

So a huge "HELLO" to Stacey & Jenny. And everyone else who has visited.

A Transsexual, A Squirrel & Nuts

One of todays questions,

Where do squirrels store their nuts?

Where is this leading?

Squirrels collect and store nuts so they'll have food to last through winter. That thriftiness benefits more than just the squirrel—it helps the trees, too. That's according to Rob Swihart, a wildlife ecologist at Purdue University. Nuts clearly are dependent on either gravity or animals for dispersal. Squirrels are one of the most important species in this regard.

Ok, I asked this question, because I thought it was in their sack, or pocket! I know very uneducated, and there are loads of squirrels in Edinburgh.

Last night as I was watching television, in my usual position of lying on the couch, there was a huge ouch from my grion area as I got up. And this raised the second question of today .........................

Where does a transsexaul hide their nuts?

For visitors from abroad, "nuts" is a slang term for testicles. Just so we are thinking the same.

The first Google search came up with this.........

The concept is to push the testicles up into the inguinal canal (their little "burrow"). The genitals are then pulled backwards and held in place with tight underwear and/or tape.

Second Google search.........

Drag queens use duct tape but be sure to shave first.

I find both to be very eye watering, esp. the duct tape, even on shaved skin. somehow there is no advive on how to remove it! Over the years I have found Marks & Spencers "Magic Pants" the solution. Ok, I agree not exactly "Victoria Secerts", but they do the job really well, and no pain. Hence last night the "nuts" went a wandering without them and got into no-mans land. A very painfull experience it was. The other solution is not to wear very tight clothing, as it helps hide, including a slightly large tummy as well. Over the years hormones also decrease the size of everything and this makes life so much easier.

I hope Santa is reading this, as I do need a few more pairs. Ho Ho Ho

Much easier for squirrels.

Sky News Press Preview

I try to watch the Sky Press Review ever Monday night at 11.30 as it's the best live comedy going. The news is great but Tory Boy and Maguire are always trying to make Ann Botting corpse, this night they all went.

Another Visit to the Demon Dentist

9.45am I arrive at the dentist, not sitting about waiting, meet Ann the dentist and straight into the chair. Ann tells me she has already been nasty to a patient this morning, so she os now in a good mood. Her assistant totally agrees, I feel so much relieved, as Ann normally gets on to me, I do give it back though. After a few proddings and saying lots of numbers, I'm told it's time for butterflies? A look of panic, what butterfles, it's a dentist, not Dobbies Butterfly Farm a few miles up the road, and in my month. Ann explains it's detailed x-rays, wow, just get choked when she shoved the thingy in my mouth, clough & splatter. It always concerns me, x-rays are safe, but why do they leave the room, and leave me on my own. If it's dangerous I want to leave as well, seems simple to me.Once Ann and her assistant return, I'm given a compliment, hey they look good and strong.

I'm thinking this is good, and bang the scaling starts, yuck, hate it. Why do they put so much in your mouth and they speak to you and moan at your shut mouth. To me it's natural, something in mouth, I want to eat it. you never eat with your mouth open, bad manners. Half way through I must have been getting on Ann's nerves as a total face shower with water from are machine, well it cooled me down. But hey, it was some dribble up my face, heehee.

Over and done, you must be joking, I'm told gum problems really need looked at and NHS Dental Hospital not brave enough to take me own, only option is private and a bill in the very high hundreds of pounds, oh dear. I just can not afford that, so Ann offers another scaling in 8 weeks, joy oh joy! I'm hoping regular scaling will hopefully solve the problem.

All in all it was quite funny with Ann as she is a caring person and good sense of humour, there is nothing worse than speaking to professionals who seem to be above you, and totally lack a connection with patients. You'll be glad to read next dentist post is end of Jan 2012.

Beware of the Dentist

Before this visit in June the last time I had a dental appointment was around 1985 at school. A traumatic event that was, a nice young female dentist kneeling on my chest, yes I know this sounds nice for a young boy. But she was trying with all her force to pull healthy teeth, I just needed more room in my mouth.

Well in June a tooth blew up, bits flying everywhere, and no amount of pills could kill the pain. I bit the bullet, it would have been less painfull, and booked an apointment in Portobello. To say I was scared is an under-estimate, but I went. Having to go wasn't as easy as opening your mouth, I had to out myself, so lots of documents and explain I'm on benefits as well. Anxiety levels where very high that morning. Alas, paperwork went very well, even though I still needed to pay, seems if you are unemployed you get everything free, if you are ill you pay!! Can't quite get my mind round this, but hayho.

As I sat waiting for my dentist to call me, I was stunned when an elder lady with a crutch called my name. My think was what have I done I'm getting a cripple to poke things in my mouth, lets exit stage left, damn too slow, I'm led to the torture chain. Ann the dentist says to me "You are unlucky this morning getting the old moaning bitch", well I was stunned, but liked the style. She was very caring and also said "The door is there and you can go at anytime". Cool I could get out of this, anyways as the prodding continued Ann said I needed 2 fillings and my gums where not in a good state. Not bad for 26 years, I was really pleased. She did some scaling, which must have been hard as I kept my mouth shut, and I got 1 filling as well. End of appointment and i'm thinking don't need to be back here again for a long time, but no the immortal words, you'll need to book an appointment for tomorrow for the other filling, damn damn damn!

The following morning, a little less stressful as I know what is coming. This time was the DRILL, yuck the smell of burning foaming from my mouth, and right up my nose. Get me out of here thoughts again, but wow it was over. Yet again Ann drops the bombshell, you'll need to book an appointment for tomorrow so she could file it down, will this never end? Yes the next day, it's filed and cool, defianately not coming back for more torture, but she drops the bomb again, see you tomorrow for a scaling again. Four visits to a dentist in a week, this is not good, I've managed 26 years!! And this torture has cost me alot of money!

Move forward 4 weeks and well toothache, it was so bad I had to call NHS24, advised to take painkillers, none around on a Friday night so a car trip to Mum's at 11pm. Still sore on Monday so of we go to see Ann, well the caring woman said to me"Told you your gums are in a bad way", ha ha ha, more filing of the filling so it didn't put pressure on the one above. Ann says " Book your check-up", I replied "Yes for the year 2036", a chuckle was recieved from Ann.

Then at the end of October, toothache again. Why is it once you visit a dentist you end up never away from them, it's just not fair. This time gum disease, and the caring sharing Ann gives me pills to kill the infection, great not alot of prodding around. For some reason she smiles, I leave get in the car and go for the pills, the chemist tells me "No drinking with these pills". They always say that, get home read the leaflet, check google and there is defianately no drinking with these pills. They give them to drunks to get them off booze, touch booze and you throw up. Brilliant, it's my birthday weekend!!!!!! I hate birthdays, but they are ok with a beer or wine, I have coffee and diet Irn-bru.

43th birthday is certainly one to remember.

I see Ann tomorrow (Monday) for my check-up. Wish me luck>

A Massive Update - Part 2

Well I have summarised all the medical stuff, now for the personal bits.

Just after christmas I got an email from a couple I hadn't seen or been in touch with for 14 years. It was sad it had been so long, but I was in a bad state back then, and moving house, well it seemed better to move on. Also with my transistion i didn't know if to reply or not. Well I did, with the full coming out pack I used a few years ago, and to my surprise a reply from David & Gillian. We met up and a great few hours, I could not believe where 14 years went, I now keep in touch with them both, they are busy people and I wish I could see them more, but knowing they are with me is great.

The beginning of the year saw my neice Alice move into permenent care, life was getting quite unbearable at home with her behaviour. She is physical and mentally handicapped, and has severe problems with sleep and being alone. The house she stays in now is very good and she is well looked after and we see her most weeks. Alice is now working in a centre, doing cooking and woodwork. The transistion of Alice was very hard as we all felt we had failed looking after her, but we now realise things couldn't go on as it was and now everyone including Alice are much happier.

In July my sister and partner married, it was a great day in Edinburgh. I met up with Steph from Devon, a real character, and also Emma from London who I had seen for many years. The weekend was just not long enough.

August saw my 2 buddies Banjo & Soxs being evicated from my sisters house, all because one neighbour didn't like them. They also peed in their entrance hall, but cats have rights. My sister Elaine, husband Richard and the boys where all upset at them going, at least the boys see them at their dad's flat. They went to my ex-brother-in-laws to live, so I don't see them anymore. When the family went on holiday I use to look after them both here in my flat. It didn;t take long to get very attached to the pair. I will dedicate a whole post to Banjo & Soxs as I run a campaign to keep them.

Later in August Lorna, Richard's eldest daughter arrived. She is so clever and a total internet geek, I learn something new everytime I see her. It's down to her I started this blog again, she works from home as a writer, her stuff is brill, and unlike my blog has no spelling mistakes. I hope she stays around as I want to learn more from her.

Can not think of anything else major that happened. Now I just need to blog things as they come along.

A Massive Update - Part 1

It's been too long in updating this blog, I will promise to do it alot more often.

My issues with ERI are well closed, and such a relieve, I now go to Sandyford Clinic in Glasgow. Sandyford it is so caring, no pressure, and they listen to me. I have been doing therapy there for a year, trying to put demons to sleep and boosting my self-esteem. It is starting to come together, although next month I start a therapy called EMDR http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/ if you want to see their site. I'm not sure about it, but will give it a try in December.

The medical care at Sandyford is very good, I see one of their team every 3-4 months. What is so mice there are no pigeon hole boxes which you need to conform to as at the ERI. Most occasions I do get into trouble with my much reduced smoking, as there is a danger of DVT's when mixed with HRT. My estrogen level isn't high enough, so my idea is loose weight and more effect from HRT. Janaury sees my next medical appointment, fingers crossed it goes well.

My local GP Dr M, is still so cool, we had to change one of my high blood pressure pills as I was getting bad cankles, didn't want cankles. In my opinion I have also lost alot of fluid as well, but the scales don't show it, YET!!! Just having to watch kidney function with all the meds I take. The staff at the medical centre have all been so nice to me, it's a real treat to go, even getting jabs everytime.

Well that's a start to my update, will do some more tomorrow.

Trying to link to Facebook

oh this is hard to do