Saturday, 30 January 2010

Colonic Irrigation

On Monday I had a case of self-induced colonic irrigation, heehee, I laugh but it was rather scary. I'm pretty sure it was caused by food poisoning, which was also self-induced, duh. Kind of thought I was going to pass out during this episode, which I found very scary, it's the worst thing about staying on your own. No-one to care for you, unless you can get out and drive yourself somewhere. Anyways after 2 days in bed I was back to normal, even a little slimmer. Have to try and keep it off.

Things have been pretty mundane to be honest, boring. Just the usual routine, Saturday hair removal, Monday-Friday some work, and entertaining myself with my new television in the evenings. I really should be getting into my music at home, as I have a few ideas, so next week a big kick up the bum is required. i have really enjoyed watching politics this week, Obama's State of the Union address I thought was very good, and Blair's Iraq Hearing grilling was interesting, they both certainly got my grey matter working for different reasons. 

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Strange Dreams

Over the past few months I have been having really strange dreams and I would love to know what they mean. In most of them I re-live situations I have been in, mainly at work, they are stressful episodes. When I was either in discusions or threated by people. After the dreams I wake up in a real panic and sweat, and then can't get them out my head. Very Strange. It's causing very sleepness nights, and at times grumpy days. There must be an explanation to them, too many different pills I take, trying to come to terms with things, I just don't know?? Any ideas? Answers on a postcard to me, please.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Good News This Week

I'm really pleased this week, for a few reasons.
1. I've made contact with a couple of old work mates I hadn't seen for a year. On Saturday it was really great to get a few texts from Susan, and then I thought, I wonder if Christine is on Facebook? You've guessed, yes she was and I got a really lovely message yesterday from her. Hopefully over the next few weeks we will all meet up. Most of the time I feel "why would old friends still want to see me?" They and their husbands are accepting of what I'm going through, it is a nice feeling.

2. Finacially things having taking a great turn, I recieved some money for royalties, which I worked on 12 years ago. This has enabled me to put my emergency fund back to where it was a year ago, I was getting stressed not having a cushion of money, and having to rely on my parents. It be quite degrading to ask for money help, although my parents have been to awesome and have helped me so much, but I do like to be independant. Also, for the next 2 years I know I will recieve benefits, I find it hard to think as myself as disabled. Although I know I would have problems with work, due to my depression and anxiety problems, let alone gender, I hate mental illness stigma, and I don't think my gender issues are mental illness, it's all very complicated.

3. Well, I was bad, in a good way, I love gadgets and had really behaved myself over the last few years. On Sunday I ordered a new flat-screen television, I got it at a superb price and well I wasn't expecting to have the spare cash, so I did it. My life has changed so much from a few years ago, I use to be out pubbing and clubbing alot, spending too much, now I don't my entertainment is at home. So I nice television will be fabby for the sport, concerts and documentries I watch.

4. Hair removal is really coming along nicely, just a small bit on my chin to clear, and then it's serious time on my upper lip. This will be rather painful, but no pain, no gain, and it's great to be getting away from the same area. We have been doing the odd hair on the lip, it doesn't seem to dense, hopefully perhaps a few months will clear it.

So all in all a nice week so far, and after a ropey start to the year, it certainly has picked up. I know I have to keep pushing myself and have been considering doing some therapy again, as the build up of stress at Christmas wasn't really very good. Need to watch this happening again, when I am thinking about it I think I need just to tell someone what I'm thinking in a controlled situation again. Going to give it a few weeks and see how things are. Remember, anyone who actaully ever reads this, can drop me a message anytime.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

A New Year, And Hopefully A Stronger Me

Haven't blogged for a while, christmas, new year and small episode of depression kind of knocked me for six. I found christmas difficult this year with a lack of money, and my family spending so much, it kind of made me feel inadequate. Although I managed it, and quite enjoyed christmas, just too much good food. This year in Edinburgh we have had a very long spell of snow and very cold temps, I think it has lasted about 3 weeks. Snow is always nice for a few days, but it really gets boring after a week or so, you get cabin fever not being able to do your usual routine, and things are so dependant for me being to use the car. So the last week has been great with no snow. By the time new years day came, I just had enough, and for the first time never attended the family meal. It was strange, but I needed the time to myself, just to think, by the 4th I had kicked my bum into gear and got out and about.

So what's going to happen this year? Heehee, just wait and see.