Last Friday the Daily Mail had a great article regarding a transsexual, the usual stuff The Daily Mail has is quite derogatory, and shocking. With comments regarding why the NHS pay for cosmetic surgeries when there is no money. I'm sure you have read and heard it all before.
The headline was good for a start:
‘Why should I hide, I’m proud of myself’: Teen who had world’s youngest sex change op at 16 reveals she has a boyfriend
The girl is 18 year old Jackie Green who had her op on her 16th birthday in Thailand. At an early age her mother took her to the USA to start hormone blockers, as this form of treatment is not available in the UK.
The thing that caught me, wasn't so much the article, but the comments. What I read where all very positive and encouraging, esp in this newspaper the comments are normally very bigoted. Perhaps the UK is getting more accepting of the trans community.
Over the last couple of years I have looked after Banjo & Soxs when my sister has been on holiday, usually around 4 times a year. Banjo & Soxs are very trans friendly, as it doesn't matter how ugly you look, they still like a cuddle.
Banjo is on the left, and Soxs on the right, they both have great personalities. Banjo is quite needy, always want claps, and licking you. he use to sleep on the pillow next to me. Soxs is more independent, and is the leader of the pair, he only wants cuddles when Banjo isn't around. I'm sure he thinks it will spoil his macho image if Banjo sees him getting cuddled.
In a previous post I discussed loneliness, these guys helped me immensely. As it was great to feel needed, you have to feed them, clean litter tray and make sure they are safe. This really takes your mind away from yourself, and the unconditional affection you get is brilliant. One of the Dr's at Sandyford Clinic also thinks for people living on their own, cats are great for developing your voice, as it forces you to talk when home alone. The laughs I had with them both like the picture of Banjo trying to improve his internet skills on my laptop. Or the 2 of them lying on my bed watching television. Every morning Soxs would get his paw under the duvet and wake me up for breakfast, this was great for me as I hate getting up.
Sadly the guys had to move to a new home, as at my sisters they where going into a neighbours house, the family where very anti- pets. I use to go to my sisters just to see the guys and her house is not the same with out them. I have thought about getting a cat myself, but feel it isn't really fair on them, as they wouldn't get out. Banjo & Soxs, it was ok for 2 weeks at a time being indoors.
I would recommend a cat to anyone living alone with safe access outdoors, as it does help with loneliness and your voice practise as well.
The first day of snow in Edinburgh, and it's really cold. The city does look cute in the blanket of white, this time last year the city ground to a standstill for around 3 weeks due to snow. I wonder if this is the start again this year.
Last night/this morning was rather noisy where I live. My flat is in a tenement, tenements where built in the late 1800's and have large internal stairs connecting the 9 flats, which act as huge echo chambers. My next door neighbour decided to ask loads of very drunk and noisy friends round at around 2am. For some strange reason they all wanted to shout in the stair, someone called the police around 4am to get them removed. For a strange reason I was very tired last night, but couldn't sleep because of the noise. In my old days I would have been out throwing the people out, now I get frightened. You just never know what could happen at the time or in the future, 2 years ago my car was vandalised, was it because I'm trans, I will never know.
Another strange thing is happening in Edinburgh today, as a city we are being given 2 pandas from China.
Tian Tian and Yang Guang have made their journey from China in perspex cages on board a special chartered flight. It's the first time in 17 years the UK has had pandas. In the press reports the red carpet was out, pipe bands and leaders of government where all in attendance at Edinburgh Airport earlier. I hope we didn't frighten them with the pipes.
I have suffered from loneliness for many many years, and hid it. When I read many blogs, I read about acceptance, getting out in the world and friendships within our community. But I believe many of us and including these lucky people are lonely. Before I transitioned and came out, I still suffered from loneliness, but I had a huge circle of friends, was out most nights, and had good work colleagues. To me I was hiding through jokes and a beer glass, and showing the world a great happy person. In reality, I was in pain and had only a couple of true friends, the rest, they where a crutch to get through life with. Part of this was caused by not being honest with myself regarding my true gender, and the unwillingness to come out.
A few years in my process of coming out, it took almost 2 years, I had friendships within the LGBT "scene" in Edinburgh, I had a good time and thought, I got true friends here, similar thinking, non-conformist and happy people. I was still drinking at the time, and I think this clouded my brain. What was happening I was friends with people with as many hang-ups as myself, but instead of facing them they used drugs to dampen them. As an addictive person, I have stayed well away from drugs, and never tried anything, but I saw the effects and mind changing effects, if one was so friendly and lovely at weekends. During the week, they where just miserable, and more screwed up than me, I think due to drugs. Once I stopped drinking, and spent time with my new LGBT friends, I still felt lonely, as I could see they where false, due to the drugs. It's now about 3 years since I split from this group of friends, and to be honest, I don't miss it, but I have a different loneliness in away.
The new loneliness is a much more positive form, as my friends and family are the only people I need or actually want, it might not be a huge circle. Although at times it is lonely living on your own, spending long periods of time with no other inter-personal connections. But there isn't the need for any "crutch" friends to cloud your view of true friendships. Also doing things I'm passionate about beats loneliness, in my life my love of music takes up alot of time, even doing this blog, all gets loneliness under control. My view is if you keep your mind active, you will not be lonely, it can be hard to activate your mind, if you have lived in a social merry go round, of drink and partying, as looking back these are quite mind numbing. How many times have we read that people have over 500 people on facebook, in reality, it's a very small amount we actually like, but the thought of deleting the ones we have no time for is frightening. My view deleting makes life easier, this maybe strange to many, but works for me.
Early start for me this morning a visit to see Dr M at the local practise. All the staff are so nice and happy, it's a real pleasure to go, even to see Nurse D who always weighs me with a smile, urgh!!! Over the past few years I have had very high blood pressure among others things, and on my last visit I had said to Dr M I was getting cankles (fat ankles) it's a side effect of one of the pills. Anyways, we changed the pill and now no cankles, and even better blood pressure is still controlled at 138/88 today, it use to be around 190/130 ish, I did try to break 200, heehee.
As it always seems when I see Dr M, I needed a blood test again, had one 2 weeks ago with Nurse D, which came back fine. Today urine was showing protien traces, so get the needle into the arm. Ooops can't get anything out that one, lets go for the other, I hate parting with anything, typical Scottish. Many years ago I had glandular fever and drunk heavily, and I suspect slight damage was done to my kidneys, hence protien in the urine, Dr M also does regular checks on liver as well. So it's back to see Nurse C at the end of the month for another blood test, she doesn't weigh me, result after Christmas.
Dr M always gives me a nice complement on my appearance, although today I was told too cold for a skirt and she hasn't worn one for ages. I thought this morning, I haven't worn one for ages, you get fed-up with trousers. We then has a chat about Transsexual Summer, and her veiw was there wasn't enough time spent on each person, but overall great to see it on mainstream TV. I agree totally, she also let it slip that one of her friends specialises in therapy in London for TS people. I wonder if that's why everyone at the surgery is so cool, and she is so knowledgable. I wonder if I should give this blog address?
The National Health Service in the UK doesn't get great press, but to me it's fabulous in the main, even with my problems with Edinburgh GIC, which ranted about in previous posts.
Donna - 'Being trans... It's more about a journey to find yourself than a journey to find a good surgeon.'
Karen - 'People say I'm brave, but it's not courage. It's a belief in yourself that you're doing something you know you have to do.'
Lewis - 'No one has ever mistaken me for female, or been able to tell I'm transgender. I feel just like a regular guy.'
Max - 'I love being a man. I mean, what's not to like?'
Sarah - 'There are so many things that I would change about my appearance. I'd like to get my nose fixed, my teeth fixed... I feel different on the inside to how I look on the outside, you know?'
Fox - 'It's a really awkward time for me, and yet I wouldn't have it any other way, because I know that I've got to go through this to get to a place where my outside reflects my inside.'
Drew - 'I've never spoken to anyone who's transgender in real life. There's personal things that you can't really talk about to an ordinary person, because they wouldn't understand.'
The First Episode
In this first episode, we are introduced the group, who would be staying in a posh retreat. We learn their progress, Sarah has only been full-time a few weeks, and Karen is having her surgery in a few days, the others are in between this spectrum. To me they concentrated on body image the group had of themselves, Drew will not be seen until a two & half hour make-up and hair routine every morning. The guys talked about binding, and the different methods. Sarah talked about how her decision to have the "op", and how this will make her feel complete, I found it interesting that 6 out of the remaining 7 didn't feel they needed the "op" to be complete. Although top surgery was important to them all, either removal or enlarging of breasts. I felt it was all very predictable in content, showing lots of make-up and deciding what to wear stuff, but it was an introduction and done very well.
The Second Episode
Half of this episode showed Drew trying to get a job in her own town, and the problems TS can create, in the real world. It was done very well, and truthfully. Also Sarah came to visit Drew and her mum for advice on coming out. Later Sarah came out to her mum, in my opinion this was done terrible. They met in a car, which was in a field, her mum didn't want to be filmed, but audio was recorded. Sarah explained being TS, her mum replied "That's fine, it's your life", end of scene. I know in my coming out there was tears, questions and loads of emotions, to me this was badly handled.
In the second part, the group all meet up at the retreat again, minus Karen. They have a skype call with Karen in hospital as she is still recovering, it was lovely to the happiness she had. A mtf visits who has had all the surgery, this guy shows the group what a penis he has. This is the best part of the series, as the whole group are stunned into silence, when this huge real penis is shown. Then the group decide to have a night out at the local village pub, this was total real life and great. Donna really comes across as strong and proud of her TS status, and talks to, laughs with, and educates everyone in the pub. There are a couple of interviews with the customers, and their views are all positive. Great episode!
The Third Episode
This starts at the retreat, Drew is still looking for a job, and Karen is back after her op. Lewis has an plan to fund raise for his top surgery. Passing is very important to the whole group, as it makes some very scared in the real world. They all take a self-defence class in the group on how to deal with hostilities. One of the evening they all go bowling to test out the skills they have learnt. It's very true how people look at TS people, the stares and looks, but the confidence they have grown helps them.
The guys look at the different kind of false penis, somehow they all like the large ones. Fox believes having the right one affects his walk into a how manly one. Some you can even pee through one??!!! Lewis decides he wants the real thing. The girls also talk about their tricks, like gaff tape chest to create a cleavage.
The group visit the pub again, and it's all very friendly as they are known. Customers start to treat them as their gender.
Drew gets a job in a coffee shop, it's all very positive, and she gets on well. With Drew, I just don't understand why she hasn't changed her name, to help her blend in? I have never met a female Drew, so my alarm bells would be ringing straight away.
The Fourth Episode
The last episode, first they are back at the retreat, the girls decide a night out at a Trans Club in London, it looked like The Way Out Club. Donna loves it and gets chatted up, Karen & Sarah didn't like it as it tells everyone they are TS, and why shouldn't they go to a "normal" club. This I totally agreed with, I feel LGBT create problems by not integrating. Drew joined the group the following day. Then it was to Sarah looking for a room in Brighton to live. This again was done very well, as the landlords where asked their views, one is concerned about safety and bigotry that might happen if she allows Sarah to move in. Fox has a guys night out in Brighton, I felt he was trying too much to be one of the lager louts, but there wasn't a problem with his friends. Lewis, meets his dad for their first beer together, he has organised a fundraiser to help fund Lewis's top surgery, it was really nice. Then it was back to the retreat for the fifth time, this time family and friends are invited. Although Karen and Sarah nobody turns up, this really showed the loses that many go through in transitioning. To me there was far too much in this episode, and another episode would have given better coverage to the deep, real points raised.
Overall I think the series is great, for the general public as it highlights problems, feelings and the normality that TS people are. However I felt not enough time was spent to get deep into the issues, which is hard with 8 people in 4 episodes. Well done Ch4.
You can view the complete series on 4On Demand for visitors outside the UK you can download tunnelbear to get a UK VPN.
When I started this blog in 2009, it was private and just for me to express my feelings. On Saturday I decided to open it to the world, I suppose I'm feeling more confident about myself now. Everyday for years I have checked T-Central and thought "Why not add mine", today I'm dazed & confused by the number of hits, a comment and 2 followers.
So a huge "HELLO" to Stacey & Jenny. And everyone else who has visited.
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