Saturday, 31 October 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday was my 41st birthday  !!!!!!!! It was a quiet celebration, I don't like birthdays, but I did enjoy last night. I went to see my parents, who where at my sisters. My mum and dad got me a nice cheeky card, and a blood pressure monitor, yes I know strange gift, but I wanted one. Once they went away my sister asked if I wanted to stay for a chinese meal, which I was up for, too many times I celebrate these things on my own. I had to fight back the tears as her card to me was addressed to Gayle and a lovely blouse, it was so nice after seeing cards from relations addressed to my old self. The outer circle of my family are so kind, but I don't think they quite get my transition, which to be honest is partly my own fault as well. Over our meal we had a great chat, it was so relaxed and open, and once again I felt abit emotional about somethings, I need to do some research on. Also I think it was relaxing as my neice wasn't there and everyone was in a chill out mood. My sister and myself see each other alot, but because of my neice and her work, we don't really talk much, it was nice to get her up to speed with what's been happening. When I came home I had a wee cry to myself, just about thoughts of the past, the way I've treated people, what I should have done different and at myself for not moving on with my transition. There always seems an excuse not to go further, my neice, family, my anxiety, but what about my sanity!!!!!!!! Even today I have felt quite emotional, I wonder if it's the hormones, but I haven't had mood swings in a year of being on them, am I geting depressed, well maybe. Over the next few weeks I'm definately going to keep an eye on things so I can discuss with my fabby GP.

This morning it was another electro session, it was pretty much pain free. At one stage M asked if I was sleeping. The chin area is coming on very nicely, and today we did a few on the upper lip. M doesn't think my upper lip is very dense, so it should be completed around the same time as my chin area. To be honest I was nervous about the upper lip as I hadn't put any EMLA on it, as M likes to surprise me, but it wasn't really painful at all. My nerves endings are all programmed the wrong way round, the centre line of the face is suppose to be the worst, and the further out you go the less pain, well I'm the opposite.

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